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THAT’S RIGHT, SHRIMP COCKTAIL

There comes a point in a man’s life when enough is just about goddamn enough. A time when any and all bullshit needs to be categorized as such and set aside as appropriate. Oh, you didn’t get all LOL and OMG by EOD? Well, fuck you. I’m a man. The trash is at the curb isn’t it? Those logs are split and stacked ...

A GARDENER’S DINNER, EARLY SPRING EDITION

I have to admit, I’ve been really bored with food lately. Bored with talking about it. Bored with eating it. Bored with cooking the usual suspects I churn out of my kitchen. It’s been a bit of an inspiration desert around The Oink house lately. A desert, yes, but a desert filled with beautiful native landscaping. Over ...

THE ENNUI OF SEMOLINA

You should make pasta because at some point, we’re all going to die. One way or another, late or early, peacefully or unexpectedly we all end up at the same end. And in the endless stumble forward it’s easy to gloss over the details. To treat the important things like speed bumps. To lose the trees for the forest and ...

TWICE THE SOUP YOU NEED

Make some soup. It’s cold outside. Make some soup. It’ll teach you patience. Make some soup. You’ll be more human at the end of it. Make some soup. You’ll begin to understand time. And appreciate it. Make some soup. And turn bones and water into nourishment. Make some soup. And freeze the rest for a ...

POINT THAT “FLAVOR INJECTOR” AT SOMEBODY ELSE, MISTER

A lot of people fuck up ribs. There’s just no way around it. They’re either too sweet or too dry or too mushy or too gloppy or too… just fucked up. And for something that is so much a staple of so much barbecue, this really is a travesty. In part, I blame competition style barbecue and all of it’s associated ...

A 30 MINUTE MEAL… NOT ON PURPOSE

I’ve always disliked the notion that there are magical quick fixes. That the kitchen and the time you spend there caring for your ingredients is actually just time spent waiting for the right work-around. Put that crap in a box or a jar or a cookbook, put some famous face on it and call it progress. Call it a shortcut. ...

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

So it’s the holidays. And as much fun as it may be to act like a snarky assholish curmudgeon, the truth is I love this time of year. I love Christmas. You get to not work. You get to be with family. You get all the good free shit that you’re usually too cheap to buy for yourself. Little kids running around adds a whole ...